August 22nd, 2010

Blue Red

inception and my lucid dreaming.

Half of me really wants to see it and half of me feels that it might all be too close to home for comfort.

I have been a Lucid dreamer for as long as I can remember. I am often aware when I am dreaming. I only discovered that it had a name about 2 years ago. Because I know I'm dreaming I can change my dreams. I was changing ones I didn't like when I was tiny. My earliest memory was that I didn't get the prince in a fairytale, I decided that it was my dream and if I wanted him I could change it. All through my life whenever I've mentioned it to people and they've looked at me as though I'm completely mad or have said that they don't understand it as they have never experienced it. I have only ever met one other person in real life who is also a lucid dreamer and we were so shocked that we had discovered each other and we understood what each other was talking about that we became really good friends and are still friends today.

Once my friend had a boyfriend who said he could change his dreams but as he talked about it I knew he was just trying to show off and that he couldn't really. He said he'd jumped off a cliff in his dreams and had landed at the bottom and had survived. I told him that I didn't believe it was true that if you jumped off a cliff and landed it meant you were dead. His reply - 

'oh it does though'!

lol! so how come your talking to me you idiot if you're dead!  Two nights later I was running towards the edge of a cliff at full speed (thank god I couldn't understand the big sign! I did check! - more about that later) and jumping off. I landed on the sand at the bottom and thumped my arm in the air triumphantly shouting Yes, yes, if stupid Graham can do it, then so an I!!!

Knowing that you are dreaming is great most of the time for changing nightmares and having dreams go the way you want but it doesn't always go my way and lucid dreaming has some other side effects.

Having repeated 'false awakenings' is one of them where you think you have woken up and then you realise you are still dreaming. This can happen 5-12 times in one dream! - this can be both annoying and sometime scary as reality and dreams become blurred. Because it's scary sometimes not being sure if you are awake or asleep I found a sure fire way of being able to 'check' myself. I found that if I try to read when I'm dreaming the words make no sense! I can't read in my dreams! I discovered this when I was about 12 and have used this method of checking in both my dreams and real life to figure out whether I am awake or dreaming.

Having a full day in your dream (part of false awakenings) - not a problem but can get on your nerves.

Having exactly the same dream night after night for months on end - not really that much of a problem but can get on your nerves. It's like groundhog day! you change something different in your dream every night and see whether it has a changing effect or whether it brings you back to the same point!

When I was little I used to be scared of 'the black nothingness' which used to happen as soon as I realised I was dreaming and decided that because I was having a bad dream It would be better to wake up and start a new dream rather than finish and change the one I was in. The dream would finish and I would be in blackness, knowing I was asleep and frightened that I would be stuck there forever. About 25 years ago I discovered a way to wake myself up instead of getting the blackness. I shake my whole body violently through the paralyzation until I wake up shaking. (I often wonder if I ever did share a bed on a night when this happened if I would look like I was having a fit in my sleep!)

The feeling that you get when you're not sure if you are awake or asleep, I think in my younger years, before I understood what it was, may have been been the cause of some of my panic attacks.

So...Will I be enjoyably scared by the film (I love scary psychological thrillers), will it fascinate me or will it just scare me in a bad way?

Does anyone else lucid dream?....I know two of you do!!!